My Name Is…

Wonder. And Friendship. With just a hint of Indecision.

Okay, maybe a little bit more than “just a hint,”

but we can’t all be Certain.

I’m rarely ever certain of anything.

I spend my days in front of a screen—

writing and scrolling

and asking myself if this is really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I’m worried I spend too much time hiding behind an airbrushed smile

and polished words.

I’ve forgotten what my face really looks like

even when it’s staring back at me from my bathroom mirror.

Tell me, can you spot the difference?

Other times I’m worried I don’t really have what it takes

to be the kind of person people want to listen to.

I still have a hard time getting my heart to listen to my head.

Penguins are my favorite animal.

Someone once told me that they

mate for life,

and I think that’s what did it for me because

I’m in love with the idea of being in love.

But to be honest, I don’t think I’m all that equipped to be loved—

or to love for that matter.

I’m an expert at loving only on a page

because eye contact makes me really nervous.

I’d rather not see the look on your face

when you find out how many skeletons I have in my closet

and that I keep them there because I like to remind myself of

what victory feels like.

So maybe you could say I’m addicted to success.

But I’m also addicted to laughter,

and I think good company is the best way to pass the time.

And if you can get over the fact that I always talk through movies,

then I think we’ll get along just fine.

I’m really good at making plans,

just not very good at following them. I bathe in adventure,

but never long enough for you to see my fear in the light.

Everything starts out as a dream, and at the end of the day

I’m just trying to convince myself to wake up

and make it a reality.

I don’t like coffee, but I’m really good at pretending like I do.

Just as good as I am at pretending like I’ve got my shit together.

Most of it’s a ruse.

I don’t know much about anything, let alone how to write a poem about myself,

but I can promise you that I’ll keep trying.

My effort is the best thing I can give.

And maybe one day,

I’ll finally get it right.

I hope you’re around long enough to see it happen.

My name is Samantha. But you can call me Sam.